He did so many things earlier then expected, first smile, first tooth, first step.  All those precious milestones as your precious little one goes from baby to toddler.  Ryan literally was my pride and joy. 

I loved being a mom, I loved being RYANS mother. He was always such a happy kid. Had a smile for everyone. With freckles, blue eyes and bright red hair - he was quite a handsome young fellow.

The years seemed to go by so quickly - especially when you look back at it all.  Seems like Ryan went from the first day of kindergarten right to the first day as a freshman in highschool.  It was like one minute he was learning how to talk and walk and the next there stood a young man, 6' 3" and as handsome as can be.

When Ryan reached the 8th grade he found his passion... basketball. He so loved the sport. And of course with his height it didn't take him long to make it on the basketball team.  He continued to play basketball through 8th, 9th, 10th grade.  His favorite team?  LA Lakers!!! 

I just wish I could let everyone know just how special this young man was, not just because Ryan was my son, but because of who Ryan was.  So caring, so giving, putting the needs of others before his own, so willing to share a smile - loved to make people laugh.  I can still hear him saying "Just kidding"!

How does a mother go on with her life after she has lost her main reason for living?  How does she express how she feels inside so that others will understand?  And how does anyone expect that "time will make things better"?  "Time" makes us more aware how long it has been since we have had our loved one physically in our lives.  "Time" makes things different.

I am sorry, but there isn't enough "time" that can pass, that will ever lessen the pain from losing my son Ryan.  Time doesn't make me love my son any less, it doesn't make me miss my son any less and it doesn't make me want my Ryan back here with me healthy and happy - any less either.

My Dearest Son:  How I miss you so!  I have an ache in my heart that will never go away - it came the day you passed away.  How I would give to have you back here with me.  You are loved and missed by so many.  I don't understand - and like everyone else I wonder "why"?

Someone once said all will be revealed later on and that may be so, and yet, I think as your mother I don't think anyone could give me a good enough reason why you were taken from this earth...

To know you Ryan, was to love you and I feel very blessed to have known you and even more blessed to have been your mother. 

I know if you had had the chance you would have gone on to do more remarkable things - you continue to be a source of strength, courage and inspiration for many, just as you were while you were still physically here with us.  None of that has changed.

It's only natural that a child learns from it's parents from they day they are born... but how many parents can say that have learned from their children?  I can, and proudly! 

I think you were wise beyond your years.  And I also believe you protected me - which was a very unselfish act on your part, but again, that doesn't surprise me because that is how you were...

Ryan, I love you so very much.  And that is still putting it mildly because there are not enough words, paper, ink etc. that could adequately describe a mothers love for her child.

I am so proud of you and I cherish the time I was given with you. YOU definately were a gift to me and I will be forever thankful because I was given the honor of being your mother.

I love ya kiddo!  All my love, Mom

Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow

Yesterday I reached to touch you
And you were easy to be found,
Yesterday I listened to your voice
and perfectly heard each sound.

Yesterday I called your name
And your voice filled the air,
Yesterday I looked for you
and you were standing there.

Today I reached out to touch you
Yet you were no where to be found,
Today I listened for your voice
yet couldn't hear it's sound.

Today I called your name
Yet my voice just drifted in the air,
Today I looked for you
yet you were no longer there.

Yesterday is a memory
I will keep close to my heart,
For even in death, my son
we are not apart.

Today is a gift...
One with out measure,
And my memories of you, dear son
are now a priceless treasure.

Tomorrow is not promised
But in your passing I say peace,
For with a smile upon your face
your earthly spirit was released.

Written By: Trudy (Ryans Mother)
May - 2004

Every day

Every day Ryan, I struggle through
Every day Ryan, I think of you

Every day Ryan, Is like years
Every day Ryan, I shed tears

Every day Ryan, Is not the same
Every day Ryan, I say your name

Every day Ryan, Your on my mind
Every day Ryan, I want to turn back time

Every day Ryan, It's nothing new
Every day Ryan, I am missing you

Every day Ryan, Our hero – my son
Every day Ryan, We are still one

Every day Ryan, I look to the sky
Every day Ryan, I ask why?

Every day Ryan, I pray for you
And one day Ryan, I'll be there too!

Written By: Trudy (Mother)
Date: November 9th, 2004